Seeing The Negatives

There is something about the way that we humans are set up that helps or even makes us see the negatives in our lives.  Perhaps it is tied into the survival instinct and the innate desire to find the flaws and fix them.  Maybe there is a piece of our survival instinct that has caught on to socialization needs and acculturation and has realized we have to survive not just nature now but the cutthroat world of society as well.  Whatever the mechanism, I think we can all relate to the experience of looking back on our lives and seeing the mistakes we made, the names we were called, or the bad decisions that we just couldn’t get out of the way of.

I have vague memories of my first grade teacher, who my parents claim that I loved.  I can picture glimpses of her classroom in my mind and sort of remember a shape of a person.  However, I remember quite vividly my first bully around the same time and the vicious acts that were carried out towards me.  Perhaps with hindsight, I can see them as not as bad as they felt at the time, but the fact remains that I am able to recall very clearly the words that were used, the tone they were delivered in and how I felt in those moments.  My guess would be there are a great many people who have similar experiences.

This experience has carried on throughout my life, touching both on the depths of relationships and professional spaces.  The heartbreak, the pain, the rejection, the criticism, they are all represented clearly and substantially in my memory.

Where Are The Good Moments

Of course, this string of negative memories has not existed unfettered in my life.  I have had amazing moments, both in my youth and to this day.  I had many amazing days playing in the yard, running through parks, taking long summer trips, visiting amazing places across the world.  This does not even begin to touch on the depth and breadth of the love and amazing thrills I have had in my days.

So the question is posed: Why do we so often tend to focus on the negatives and ignore the positives.  Some argue this is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist.  Some people could potentially be able to see only the great things in their lives and look past the sour.  Some people are incapable of seeing the positive and only see the horrible.  I think there is obviously more to this story and there will of course be influence from our environments and those with whom we associate.  If you grow up in a war-torn land or are lacking in basic human needs, you may have less to source from when it comes time to see the positive.  If the friends you always hang around help remind you of the greatness in life, you are more apt to see it.

The Bigger Picture

When we look back on the greater tapestry of our lives, we may hope to see the “highlight reel” of wonderful moments and we may stumble a bit if what we see appears filled with sadness and darkness.  I have heard this idea described to me as seeing a night sky full of pinpoints of light.  Looking at life, the moments of greatest harm and shame and sorrow are lit up with a blinding light of pain.  In these moments, when we feel overcome with this burden, I think it is important to remember that the space between those hot points of fear and anger is often filled with the calm, the quiet, and the forgotten moments of happiness and comfort.  They may not always stand out as clearly or as pointedly but they are there and we see them every time we look at the other moments.

My urge to you is that when you catch yourself in a moment of regret or sadness, reflecting on your past with these bright and clear moments of negative emotion, remember that the space between is filled with the not always so easy to remember times of fun and positivity.

I hope that you can count this as a moment of positivity and place it into your sky to shine brightly for many moments to come.